Nuggets February 2019
Time flies like an arrow (fun fact: this sentence actually has 11 possible syntactic meanings and having it pop up in my mind just now was a fantastic opportunity to refresh this questionably useful piece of information. And having gone on this detour before even starting to write the first Nugget also brought one of my all time favorite blog posts back to mind and I’m proud to say that I did not read it again in full. Eat my shorts, Instant Gratification Monkey!).
Anyway, by this time next month I’ll be a married man, so there’s quite a lot on my mind actually. As usual, here are a few nuggets of what I’ve been reading, thinking about and what I’ve been working on. If anything resonates, make it swing! My doors are (almost) always open and I’d love to hear from you!
What I keep saying lately – Ontological disability
Since I’ve recorded the 1st official episode of “Talking about Coaching” (the 3rd first in my holy trinity of podcasts) with the wonderful Aboodi Shabi, I’ve been using the term “onotological disability”, which emerged as a result of our conversation. It refers to situations when we are perfectly capable of doing something (e.g. taking out your phone and calling somebody) but feel unable to do so. We know it’s physically possible. We may even know what to say and perhaps even rehearsed it or written it down. But somehow we just can’t do it. Will power alone doesn’t cut it. It feels impossible – an ontological disability. Learn more about this by listening to the full conversation, which will drop on Tuesday.
What I’m sticking to – The Slow Carb Diet
Talking of which, if you know me a little you will know I’m a pizza man! So this whole getting-wedding-ready thing triggered some serious cravings and at times I almost felt ontologically unable to manage them (for you new subscribers, I’m currently on Tim Ferriss’s Slow Carb Diet, which he beautifully lays out in The 4 Hour Body). Thank god for the scheduled cheat day! It’s really effective to be able to “park” cravings, urges, even strong emotions as long as you can trust yourself that you’ll be dealing with it later. So I’ve had regular dates with cheesy crusts on a Sunday. And it didn’t just help me manage cravings, it’s also increased the taste of the pizza. And I’ve lost 16 pounds (8kg) in the past 6 weeks by simply cutting out white carbs, dairy and fruit for 6 days a week. And I haven’t exercised at all! First diet I’m sticking to for this long.
What I’m telling my kids #1: You don’t have time – you make time
There are these phrases that we gather from our parents, caregivers or any significant others which get repeated so often that they stick. When I started to think about having kids, lots of them popped back into my mind and I started to collect them and ask others for theirs, which gave birth to this segment. It’s also a great way to get to know someone on a different level and makes for really interesting conversation generally. Here’s one:
You don’t have time – you make time.
It took me a long time to really understand that “not having time” stops being a thing once we start owning the fact that other things are simply more important to us than the thing we pretend not to have time for. Thanks Dad!
What’s finally out! – My new online course “Positive Psychology for Coaches”
Filmed last April and in the making for well over a year, I’m proud to announce that you can now learn about the exciting science of positive psychology in my new online course. It’s designed for practicing coaches (complete with an accompanying private Facebook group and monthly live sessions for Q&A and practice) but will be interesting for anybody curious about the building blocks of happiness, what’s right with people and how life coaching could help us to grow and flourish.
I’ll be launching this course next week, so if you’re keen to save 50% and sign up at the super special pre-launch price of only £99 (which really is a steal given the scope of this course) you can do so via www.PositivePsychology.training up until Monday or directly via Udemy! Afterwards you can still grab a juicy 25% discount by using the promo code [sorry, only for subscribers of the mailing list]
Narcissism – At what point does it become an issue?
Last week I remembered the day Nelly and I visited the Freud Museum here in London to see an exhibition on the day Freud met Salvador Dalí, who at the time was in the process of painting the iconic Narcissus. In combination with another Trump scandal it got us talking. The psychoanalytic view is that we’re all narcissistic to some extent. We all need to take care of ourselves to survive and we all care about ourselves. But at what level does this become a problem? I work with a lot of coaches who struggle to get their name out there and many struggle with feeling like they’re “showing off”, writing about themselves or publishing praise or testimonials makes us feel like a narcissist, which (depending on the culture) is generally looked down on. So where’s the line between healthy confidence and too much ego?
What makes me not freak out about getting married (yet)
Many people ask me these days how I’m feeling now that I’m about to get married. From the look on people’s faces it seems that a considerable number have had quite a time leading up to the event. The answer is that I’ve gone through the motions the week before I asked her to marry me. For me it was the commitment that was the biggest step. The event is simply a logical follow up to the much more important event: My word. Your integrity is your highest good in my opinion. That doesn’t mean that I’m super chill about the event. A lot of effort has gone into it and it looks like it’ll be the best day of our lives so farand that’s the thing: I don’t think there’s a chance it won’t be, no matter what happens. Planning well, but being appropriately non-attached to what’s gonna happen in the end, that’s the key to a happy wedding day as far as I’m concerned. Bring it on! 🙂
As always, I’d love to hear what what you think and what you’d like to see me share in the future. Perhaps you’ve got a message to send from your own parents and will subsequently be immortalized in my children’s minds 🙂
And a quick note: Catch me live next week
Next week Wednesday I’ll be running a live webinar for the International Coach Federation Australasia titled: A New Approach to Happiness and Dealing with Life’s Big Questions: An Introduction to Positive Existential Coaching. It’s free for all and reasonably priced. And given that it’s catered to the GMT+11 timezone it’s handy also that you can buy your ticket but then just watch the recording later on.